#best conversation in a long time
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Wolfcat is sooooo funky to me esp now that itās confirmed that Sora and Jordana were in school together and drifted apart. I donāt really see them as toxic yuri anymore and more as Jordana somewhat-joining the ninja and they are both confused as fuck about one another. Just exhausted from life and scared of AND for the other person. They have so many issues to fix between each other and themselves, and if it takes them like 10 years to actually get together then I am completely okay with that. No more toxic yuri only weary yuri now.
#i need them to have so many awkward conversations and crying sessions together you donāt understand#i need them to be very mad at each other. i need them to kiss softly#iām retracting all my art of them being violent and in love they are now just scared asf#sora because sheās still missing her best friend and the entire world keeps going to shit and she DID NOT sign up for this#and jordana because she disappointed literally everyone in her life so far and joining the ninja has felt like the ultimate defeat#she can barely do magic anymore without feeling so so panicked#these two donāt have time for romance rn but they def have time for slowly becoming each otherās comfort#considering they have known each other for so long#GAHJ they make me insane chat iām not even joking#ninjago spoilers#ninjago jordana#jordana ninjago#ninjago sora#sora ninjago#raspberryshipping#ninjago raspberry#wolfcat#wolfcat shipping#cableās txts
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i am not immune to launchpad sol and albin thoughts
#ramble tag#its so like. okay.#launchpad was when they 'peaked'. best years of their lives#the . i think what we canonically know happened at launchpad was like.#laquidditch (fun!) christmas special adventures (fun!)#and then . also#getting deeply bullied. sol lightly kidnapped to launchpad. lizer. claudius. 'you made us run until we threw up' 'im pretty sure he got off#on torturing kids'. literally what the fuck was their deal#getting stuck in a spiders web ???? for a semester ?????#......??? getting chased down by a vaccum cleaner ..........#'it got a lot darker near the end' ... fun pretend child endangerment#like . man.#not to sound CRAZY or anything. does anyone get the impression launchpad was like. a bad ? time ? for them ?? like. it just straight up. bad#by god does it rlly sound to me like#the feeling of when high school was so bad it made ur life a living hell to be in. and u were truly just. surviving#but then youd b goofing off w ur friends in a little dorm. and the stress and the exhaustion seems to color everything that isnt that.#in a beautiful hazy rosy golden film#it hurt but the hurt was monotonous and dull. so all u remember were those shining bright in betweens#sol and albie sneaking into the kitchen and enchanting the self moving cookingware and just seeing what happens#and watching mothership approved saturday morning cartoons in bed#and studying together late at night n sol tucks albin in after hes crashed from hiss allnighter#and passing notes in class#and all that free time over crittermas breaks to do stupid dares and long rambling conversations abt nothing#sol knits albie his first sweater#they have their first beer together#they come back after a really bad day for the both of them and lie on the floor and talk abt anything but that#albin practices spells on sol and its not a good or safe idea but its probably fine#albin pettily bitching about his assigned partner for an arcana class project and sol blindly tsking his side always#only wizards can check out library books and albie checks out all sols books for him#...... anyway
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I need a completely rewritten teen wolf series with Derek Hale as the main character. I think it would heal me.
#we follow Derek from New York. Laura left for beacon hills. itās been six years since he was back but he hasnāt heard from her#and hes going stir crazy waiting. he packs up and travels back. itās almost too much immediately. he still canāt get a hold of Laura#he canāt resist going home. itās like a natural pull that guides him back. all at once heās 16 again. staring at the wreckage of his life#deputy stilinski is sherrif now. itās reassuring in the slightest that the police force seems to have moved on from how corrupt it was#he catches her scent and itās putrid. bile catches in his throat. he seeks it out. still in denial to what he knows it means.#when he finds Laura itās like the world ends all over again. he canāt stand to see her like this. he gives her a proper burial.#the best he can do at least#he visits Peter. heās not the man Derek remembers- so full of fire and cunning. their relationship may have been strained at times.#often Derek felt more like Eve being swayed by the snake than a normal friendship#but this isnāt the sharp tongued uncle who guided him. this is a broken shell. all that remained of his family. he was so lost.#22 but he barely knew how to function without his family- his pack paving the way#Laura handled everything. she got the apartment. she made sure they had food. Derek looks back and feels so useless#he was so lost in his grief. Laura must of felt the same way but she never let them drown in it#she made sure he got his GED. even got him to enroll in community college classes.#he took them online. he never was able to warm up to people the same way. he used to be so full of life. now he just wanted to be left alone#he studied English. never finished his degree. doesnāt look like he ever will now. he canāt go back to Laura and his shared home.#canāt bare to see another shell of a home#he vents to the vacant audience of Peter and his cold fixed eyes#Derek leaves. he wants to promise heāll return soon#but promises feel costly these days#he decides to go back to the reserve. maybe he can find some clue as to what happened to Laura#someone lured her here. someone who knew them and their history here#his mind went to the worst. Kate. why would she go through the trouble six years later. why wait so long.#Derek couldnāt stomach the thought of facing her. he focused on the woods. the scents were all over the place.#clearly multiple people had been through here recently. two scents were much stronger. Derek follows them#but when he hears the crunch of leaves he realizes why the scents are so strong. theyāre still here#he ducks behind some trees. listening in on their conversation. but an echo of their scent catches his attention#he spots an inhaler on the ground. he puts two and two together and swipes it from the leaves.#he comes out once theyāre closer. tossing over the inhaler- he figures theyāll leave. dumb kids messing around in the woods#he reminds them this is private property. though that may not be true anymore. he recognizes the scent of a new beta. interesting.
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Martha Jones - Jesus Christ parallels (never thought i'd write a sentence like this)
there's the other one who has sent me
For I did not speak on my own, but the Father who sent me commanded meĀ to say all that I have spoken.Ā I know that his command leads to eternal life.Ā So whatever I say is just what the Father has told me to say. (John 12:49-50)
Very truly I tell you, whoever hears my word and believes him who sent meĀ has eternal lifeĀ and will not be judgedĀ but has crossed over from death to life. (John 5:24)
I judge only as I hear, and my judgment is just,Ā for I seek not to please myself but him who sent me. (John 5:30b)
I have much to say in judgment of you. But he who sent me is trustworthy,Ā and what I have heard from him I tell the world. They did not understand that he was telling them about his Father.Ā So Jesus said,Ā āWhen you have lifted upĀ the Son of Man,Ā then you will know that I am he and that I do nothing on my own but speak just what the Father has taught me.Ā The one who sent me is with me; he has not left me alone,Ā for I always do what pleases him. (John 8:26-29)
[...] for I have come here from God.Ā I have not come on my own;Ā God sent me. (John 8:42b)
etc., and so on...
#all i could think of was that one poll - who suffered more?#and i'm not the biggest fan of seeing martha as some sort of messiah#i'm just kinda good at making references to bible during conversations as one may refer to songs. poems. other books or films#simm!master rewatch#and i guess they wanted to show us how alien to us are time lords; how powerful; (above?)#and the doctor's god-like descend powered by humanity?#he could kill. he could devastate. he could turn back time.#and he's chosen to forgive#weeell i guess both ten and martha are written as a saviour/messiah here#ok i should shut up#(but don't we sometimes need to project our culture and/or religion into a different form?)#(don't we long for some mighty being out there?)#(ok. i shut up.)#(and even you can perceive doctor as some sort of god (sometimes) he's not a good one)#(he's cruel and selfish and rude - and yes; trying the best he could to be good)#(but it's not he's basic attribute)#(i'm really shut rn)#martha jones#save my girl#the doctor#tenth doctor#doctor who#dw#the sound of drums#the last of the time lords#the girl who walked the earth#(why are there only 5 posts in this tag?)#for a mentally unstable asshole#it crashed multiple times#and now it tells me i cannot upload gif?
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ok let's catch up quickly
#so i went on a few dates w this guy. long hair beautiful face kinda looked like a girl (good) said yes ma'am when i told him to do smth#(also good) film student great at photography including candids. made a sheath of leather for a sword pin i have . et cetera.#he asked to cuddle and i was like iggg and then i felt Nothing and i was like ohhh yh ok ok yep lesbian#like he meets almost all my criteria but. yeahhh no . also at the end of that date he had some weird takes. anyway broke up w him and told#him actually im p sure im a lesbian (again) and he was like yk thats the second time this has happened to me this week but its ok bc ive#fallen for this girl from berlin. and then we cooked together. anyway . met a beautiful butch lowk in love w her. weve been on (1) date.#have two exams in a few days havent studied enough going to like end it all basically. my research partner kicked me off our research#(expected(it was always skinda sketchy)) which was devastating + it happened in a lidl 15 hours into a journey from bordeaux#to go back to the UK. my friends were kinda busy paying for baguettes but also they heard this whole exchange and are kinda mad at him#my friend of 10+ years is coming over in a few days. my evil ex situationship person that i decided to stay friends w because i kept#insisting they are a good friend and not evil and also extremely beautiful? turns out shockingly enough they were evil. tried to fix them#and then i realised due to their entire friendship group being ppl like me (Every Single One of their friends are ppl they met on dating#apps then led on then dumped and proposed staying friends w) and are collectively extremely attracted to them and not over them they#keep validating the most diabolical shit they say/do to hace a chance w them. they broke up w their ex and the way they keep leading#this poor girl on and making her heartbeeak worse and saying that they want more power over her and want her to beg for them back etc...MY#JAW HAD DROPPED esp bc i didnt even know the ex was in the picture BECAUSE ME AND ONE OF OUR FRIENDS (that they also dated) HAD JUSR SLEPT#NAKED TOGETHER IN THEIR BED W THEM. GIRL. anyway that is the least of the diabolical stuff they said but no we are moving onnn#this was b4 the beautiful butch btw. anyways . i have a mitski concert tmrw i think?? idek anymore#i used to have a crush on this guy very briefly and then it disappeared and then i realised if he fundementally changed everything abt#himself then maybe id like him but ofc i didnt tell him that but i still think abt it sometimes but anyway thats irrelevant now bc 99% sure#even if he did id still not find him attractive (lesbianism). please recommend good overnight moisturisers btw i have super dry skin#right. the friend of 10 yrs. we had a hard convo abt why she essentially bullied me in year 8 and it made me highly bitter but i also love#her and ik things are diff now its been like . Many Years . and shes going to stay a while I HAVE TWO EXAMS I DONT HAVE TIME but i love her#its fine. i think i might just switch into medicine and do the whole become a neurosurgeon thing (which was my plan B) bc plan A is looking#kinda impossible rn. I WANNA TALK MORE ABT WHAT THE EX SITUATIONSHIP PERSON SAID but i wont bc i dont wanna be too mean but also . MY GOD#i had a conversation w a philosopher friend about whether i have a moral responsibility to try to fix them bc unleashing this on society#feels wrong and he said 'probably but...run' so yeah im not talking to them atm. second date w beautiful butch on monday btw IDK WHAT TO#WEAR. she said she likes fems. im just gonna wear the shortest ralph lauren skirt i have w the cute leg warmers and hope 4 the best#its 1:15 AM im abt to drink coffee and start studying bc what the FUCK man. also almost finished watching the boys its very good#one of my best friends is struggling rn it is breaking my heart i want to take the burden from her i miss her very much
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i keep finding reminders of how i used to act/type a few years ago and i shrivel up. and die.
#i am so so so glad that i'm still on friendly terms with a lot of you guys because i am not a strong enough person#if i was interacting with someone like my past self i think i'd keep a long distance before gently closing the door#drags my hands down my face. the masking was so much. too much.#i stumbled across drawings from 2016 or so and a lot of it was based on memes my friend* at the time liked#which i vividly recall thinking 'this seems really weird. but i think it'll make them laugh!' which. in fairness. it did#but i'm just not & have never been the sort of person who is wholly comfortable acting like that anyway#it always felt off. but i'd lean into it because it's all i really knew people expected of me & i was scared of making a jarring change#which. in a sense. losing my ''best friend*'' & primary discord server at the time somewhat helped w that transition period#into. well. what i am today!#i like to think i'm still silly enough but in a more authentic way to myself & my own humor...#it feels a lot more real - the ways in which i put myself out there. i don't have the weight of feeling like i 'must' close myself off#i get to be open. whether it's here or among friends. i feel more genuine and - ironically - alive; for better and for worse i suppose#jestersvaguely#*the same person. not very good for a multitude of reasons + they were twice my age at the time#which isn't inherently a bad thing to be clear. but combined w a lot of behavior they facilitated + topics of conversation it's... well.#but i digress#i'm glad that things have improved - generally speaking :]
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#woman on my mind#lovely woman#deep feelings#deep emotions#deep conversation#art#thoughts#good mood#good vibe#dreams#beautiful#tell me your story#long story#i have time#feel good#peace of mind#calmness#best feeling ever#sharing things
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Apparently I can meet my goal of roughly 400,000 words in 6 months if I just somehow write at least 2,200 words a day ghbjh... Almost 2,500 today... huzzah...
#Definitely not going to be able to stick with it just due to like... being realistic about my energy levels and etc. ESPECIALLY as we#enter the Evil Summer and it becomes hot all the time. But... one can attempt.. at least...#I'm also a very slow writer since I tend to re-read and edit while I write. and only move onto the next section once what I'm writing#seems okay. Which is easy for visual novel type stuff. since ''sections'' of a conversation are more clearly marked (like if you#have a menu option with 5 different dialogue choices. finish the character's response for choice 1 before moving onto 2. etc.)#Especially since when I'm done with a whole quest I always follow it up by playing through it and picking every option and making sure it#actually all works okay and etc. So I am already going to see it all a second time. Then I can go back and reorder a few words or remove#certain sentences that don't sound natural when I read them out loud (I always read it all outloud to myself since it is... just peple#talking.. it should sound like natural dialogue in their voice. etc). But my ''first draft'' is kind of not as first drafty since I pause t#edit a lot as I go along. So it also takes longer probably than it would take other people who I think treat a first draft as more#of a loose guideline or something. AANYWAY...#80F in my bedroom right now again... huzzah... I did end up finishing and recording that sims build video before the heat wave (or is#it really a heat wave if it's just summer..?? lol) came in.. but now... augh.. the editing... plus the costume photos and all else... Much#to do as always.. Often such a long todo list.. a giant scroll hung upon the walls of the evil hermit wizard tower..#Anyhow.. I hope I can finish getting ready for bed early in time to reward myself with a game of tripeaks solitaire whilst I snack on#cheddar cheese and some of those preserved artichokes in a jar. hrgm... I actually have nasturtiums (ultimate best flower) on the#deck again this year but I had to move them all into a corner today because the leaves were getting burnt by the sun lol.. Also am now more#cautiously weaving through social media to ignore all dragon age news. NOT bc of spoilers (I actually love spoilers/literally never play#any game until there's full guides on it I can read to plan my entire playthrough based on knowing exactly what I want to happen lol + mods#and etc.) but just because I'm so busy with my ownprojects I simply do not have the brainspace to dedicate... Yes I love to think#about elves and fictional universe lore. but no.. I pretend I do not see it. Does not exist to me actually. ghgj.. OHH also took som#cool pictures of flowers in the garden section of a store and I wanted to do like.. character designs based on the colors of the flowers o#something. but that might just be another unnecessary project to add to the pile.. I want to commit to the daunting task of dyeing my#hair again some time.. hrm.. this is all of the updates I can think of. As if a bunch of random tags make up for never posting anything for#weeks on end lol.. alas.. too warm to think properly I suppose.. .. I neeeeeed a long lost relative to leave me some million dollar#estate in their will so I can have the resources to move to a colder climate or something ..augh#.. but for now.. I shall toil away in my little wizard tower trying to write 2000 something words a day whilst sweating and such ghbj
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breakups are so fucking weird. three years and just like that it's gone. huh
#helix.txt#gross i ended up spilling my guts in tags. look at them fucking writhing on the floor all bloody#dont rb please#vent#to quote fall out boy i knew it was over i just didn't know the date#yeah that's it. fall out boy can fix this.#i will feel better if i go listen to bang the doldrums#and infinity on high in general#and folie a deux. folie a fucking deux how i love that album#my chem will make me better. gerard way save me#god what a weird feeling. you used to know me better than any other person but then you moved hundreds of miles away and it worked#for a while. then two years later you said it wasnt working and that this was best for both of us. guess i never got the memo for that one#hope we treat other people better because i wasn't as kind as i should have been towards the end and you were never as thoughtful or con-#-siderate as i needed towards the end. we grew apart because you're bad at keeping contact over messaging#and in some ways the cracks in the foundation that grew from that were my fault too i guess. our conversations always felt one sided#maybe i was smothering you#you could never seem to keep more than a passing recollection of the things i liked or even pay much attention to them#but i wasn't great about that either#we just became different people. you weren't what i wanted or needed and you couldn't do long distance. whatever#i know it was the right thing i just wish it hadn't made me feel so damn awful#will we still talk after this? who knows. we didn't end on bad terms but things are definitely weird#and considering your track record with people you can only talk to online i'm not optimistic#you tried to break things off initially by saying you'd said you would improve in the past with nothing to show for it#something i didn't disagree with but i said it didn't bother me much. and it didn't#but it's complicated now. i did deserve better. but you made it clear i'm not getting it from you#you weren't as present or thoughtful as i needed#i wasn't there in person the way you needed and certainly not as considerate as i should have been. and for that second part i'm truly sorr#anyways. sorry. i'd been thinking about it for a long time anyway. i didn't want to admit it because i didn't like to think#about what it might bring. maybe i should have been braver#right. that's enough
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no wait i need to tell you guys something funny. so me and my partner moved into a new apartment like...half a year ago. all has been well etc etc but two days ago there was a letter left at our door (literally just. resting against the door). it was a noise complaint (!!) from our neighbours. i won't put a picture here, but let me tell you - the contents of it? hilarious. they wrote things like "noise from your property" and "preventing us from enjoying out home" and "we hope you do not wish us to be unhappy" and so on. but here's the kicker (or multiple): they outlined examples of the "noise" we've been making - one being a 'motor like' sound, which, first of all, could be appliances and just something thatā¦happens, however, they specifically mentioned hearing this at 6am on the day of the letter when we were both, guess what? very much asleep! the second example they gave was screaming children. you must be able to guess by this point, but we don't have kids. did they try to talk to us before this even once, you might be asking. no! we're home pretty consistently as only one of my jobs requires me to be there in person and it's mostly when my partner has days off. oh, but that's not all! they then threatened us to take legal action if we did not "cooperate". and the cherry on top? they didn't tell us who they were. no flat number, no email, no phone number - nothing. we have an idea of who it is just based on proximity and we've tried to get a hold of them, but they haven't been around (ā¦or just haven't answered the door). and yetā¦.this is not the endā¦.because they left another letter, the same one, but in our post box this time. i'm sorry. did you expect us to "cooperate"? did you expect an answer? becauseā¦.perhapsā¦.just maybeā¦.you didn't give us any information to work with beyond threats.
so anyway. how's your week going?
#sorry this got a little long#i love stupid people#best believe it's some middle aged couple too (allegedly)#beefing with young people who are employed and literally dont have time for this shit#very neighbourly to not even try and have a conversation about it#where we could've immediately told them that all these noises? not our doing#hope you guys get a kick out of this because i'm honestly having a chuckle
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i think it took someone saying "no one (else) is ever going to love you" for me to realize how stupid it was for me to think i was unlovable so at least i got that out of my last relationship. especially in the context of him saying "nobody else even believes you (were sexually abused), do you have any idea how much ive sacrificed for you", ((meanwhile he had never actually confronted the friend in question and lied to me while continuing a friendship with him for 2 months, denying it every time i asked him about it and yelling at me that he would never do that and i needed to get over myself and learn to trust people's integrity)). like it should've been horribly detrimental to my trust and brain but instead i was like wow.. what a weak and spineless person this is. and i was prouder of myself for having the strength to stand up for myself seeing what others were willing to put up with in aversion to loneliness. i always think im content with myself consciously, but this genuinely chipped away at the big block of self hatred deep down in me and i feel a lot lighter these days
#post#literally since the end of that i think this is the best ive been doing in my life so far#i do all the health things i avoid self harm i take care of my baby sister and we have fun with my friends i have cool new hobbies#i have a list of books i read ths yr & when i was depressed (dating ex) it's so empty but right before and after we got together it spikes#he rly made himself this big hero in the beginning but it was all lies ofc. acted like he rly told that guy off. conversation never happene#i couldve been doing this well a long time ago if he had just listened to me and left me alone but at least im here now
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i guess i'm an adult now
#or at least a pretend adult allowed to sit at the big people table#studio party people talking about taxes and gas prices and explaining the electoral system and i'm like damn adult moment i guess#one guy really said with his whole chest SO WHO DID EVERYONE VOTE FOR#and everyone was like WOAH RULE NUMBER ONE OF THANKSGIVING (he's not american idk how long he's been here) NO TALKING ABT POLITICS#and so we just sorta talked around it but it was funny and interesting#people explained gerrymandering and the electoral college to him#funny cuz THAT conversation started cu someone else (also not american) goes 'wait there's one thing i still don't understand#about the united states' and all the americans went ONLY ONE?????#lmao#bluebird.txt#i literally played in front of them an hour ago and our studio is like mostly grad students#so it's quite easy to feel indimidated when i've been here for like two years and overall maybe eight years#while everyone else has like at least ten Real Career Years#but it was a nice little dinner party#its nice to be with people who are musicians and be people with them. if that makes sense.#being a musician around musicians is scary and intimidating. being a person who is a musician among people who are musicians#is nice#having friends who are musicians who are not your friends BECAUSE you are a musician is the best#so i guess just. knowing and feeling truly that people like to spend time with you#or in the very VERY least will have an innocuous pleasant conversation with you#regardless of your Arbitrary Goodness is nice#people can be nice and it's nice to know people like you ! and you like them!
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Lil adventure time post:
Donāt come at me yet read first. Am I the only one who gets kinda sad and bummed out every time we see shermy and beth in an ep? (which I know was literally twice but just bear with me)
Not anything wrong with the characters I actually really like them and I think they have a cute dynamic and are fun. I love when people make comics of them etc
Just- knowing that itās the future of Ooh and seeing how different everything was- like how their world is kind of a reminder that all of the characters we love except bmo are dead- (including possibly pb and marceline even though they were supposed to be immortal together forever š)
And also for example seeing in f&c how divided Ooh seems :C
And I know the whole point is that things end and change but āeverything stays- ever so slightlyā and itās okay.
Which is actually a really nice message and sweet- but like even if the message is good and the characters are fun and reminiscent of the ones we love;
It just a still makes me a bit sad, you know?
I guess now im in my older teen 16/17 yr old philosophical existencial adventure time arc and no longer my 13 year old silly goofy arc. Me and Finn twinning frrrrr
Anyway thanks for coming to my Ted talk I continued some thoughts in the tags
#especially stuff like the fact that itās been so long that bmo canāt rember Finnās name#but they still call him their best friend#but like theyāre all alone with that little robot heart#bmo stuff has been so sad lately fr#different conversations#I actually love shermy and beth but also they make me so sad#shermy and beth#adventure time#distant lands#fionna and cake#bmo#adventure time finale#come along with me#literally the exact feeling the music hole was talking about#finn the human#fionna kin#I guess im in a bit of a silly mood š„² im vibing tho
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Genuine friend heizou would be so nice in that situation. He can gather the information needed from you, your friends, and anyone else to help you out! That's what friends are for!!
But at the same time, yan!heizou that now from the information he gathered about your past relationship, which knows what to do and what not to do. He promises to keep you safe, you don't ever have to worry about kuni ever again! DW he will always be there to help you out, that's what lovers friends are for!! :)))
Heizou is so refreshing and normal compared to Kuni. At least thatās how he seems on the surface. Heāll wrap his arms around you and Kuni, putting his weight on both of you, and call the two of you his little lovebirds, much to your displeasure and Kuniās pride. Heāll tell the scariest campfire stories when the lot of you are in the forest, passing drinks and snacks around happily. But he always explains the twists and motivations at the very end, even though no oneās really listening when theyāre either drunk or high (or both). He likes to work out the logistics of horror and to comprehend the steps that were taken to pull off the crimes detailed in these stories, some heās made up and others cases heās studied in class.
Heizou is always observing things around him. He likes to keep an activity record of the people he finds interesting. Because of this, he has pages and pages dedicated to his friends and their relationships, everything outlined with the occasional correction as he learns more. All of these relationships have one thing in common: youāre connected to them. Your relationship with Kazuha, your relationship with Tighnari, your relationship with Venti, your relationship with himāhe keeps track of everything. What he hasnāt been able to work out lately is your relationship with Kuni. You seemed so opposed to him in the beginning, even if you tried (and failed) to hide your obvious apprehension. Heizou and his detectiveās brain can sense one thing: there must be more to this than what heās currently seeing.
And heās proven correct when he pulls you aside one day after noticing the distress that has worn your youthful features into something tired and anxious. When you spill the truth and he listens intently, nodding and humming along, a part of him is overwhelmed with morbid satisfaction. He was right; he knew something was off between you and Kuni, but he could never quite put his finger on it. And oh isnāt this something! Heizou has read up on stories of crazy, vindictive ex-partners, but heās never encountered one in real life. To think that the sweet Kuni could hide a side so dark, but then the best criminals cloak themselves in sheepās clothing.
Like the good friend he is, he offers to help you gather and compile evidence so that when you do involve the authorities they wonāt turn you away on account of a lack of solid evidence. Heizou really does want to help you. Heās completely genuine in his approach, but there is the side of him thatās happy to know youāre so vulnerable and easy to manipulate. Which makes him sound like such a terrible person! Really, heās a sweetheart. You have to trust his handsome face! Heizou is justā¦conflicted. Heās liked you for a while nowānearly a year if heās counting properlyāand the fact that your history with Kuni and Kuniās most recent actions are tainting your view of romanceā¦ It makes it harder for him to charm you. If youāre constantly guarded, how can he possibly slip through the cracks in your heart? Kuniās ruining everything for him.
But Heizou has a plan. Heāll be your supportive netāthe one to hold you up when you canāt standāand heāll work effortlessly to unravel Kuniās terrible plot so that he can be permanently removed from your life. And once heās gone, there wonāt be anymore roadblocks and Heizou will finally get to have you for himself. Heāll show you that good guys existāthat heās one of them! After all, heāll know exactly how to act and what not to say or do because he has an extensive record of all Kuniās done, both according to your retelling of events and his observations. Youāve just given him the cheat code to your heart, and heās determined to use it to show you every good side he has to offer. Anything that isnāt so savory will be hidden under layers of sweetness. Heizouās good at keeping secrets and even better at comprehending the complexities of the human mind. He knows just how to paint a friendly, disarming image of himself.
#genshin chit chat#yandere shikanoin heizou#more heizou thoughts please forgive rambling in tags but!!!#what if he entered the group in the same way kuni did?#heās been stalking you ever since he caught sight of you in passing#and has been watching and following you when time permits#when he learns who your friends are he starts to strike up conversations with them#itās easy to charm venti into a friendship because heās so outgoing and makes friends wherever he goes#so heizou starts with him and it isnāt long before ventiās brought him into the group#and from there heizou cements himself into this friendship so that he can be closer to you#the two of you most definitely kissed during drunk truth or dare#and venti took too many photos of it (photos that heizou has saved in his phone)#heizou just really loves you#he wants only the best for you <3#and obviously the best includes him!
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#ok tag rant time yay#cus i need to process some shit#soooo the big thing is ajdhfnfhdk pretty girl!!! yay!!!!! and first time for that!!!!!!!! we matched on an app last friday#got coffee the next morning then met up again monday night (implied fun things) then in the wednesday morning shit show she came over just#to sit with me and so everything could be ok for a while and i felt the safest I ever have#which is a big deal because last time i had that feeling i was with the guy i like and one of my best friends sleeping on the floor because#little tiny college beds dont fit three people and then they left me on the floor to sleep in one bed together and i cried a lot#then they essentially kicked me out of the polycule and started dating soooo :) yeah#good to replace that with a (absolutely fucking gorgeous) pretty girl holding onto me while the world falls apart#and yeah she's sosososo prettyyyyy she has such nice dark long hair and really pretty eyes and she's literally#6 feet tall (which. ajdhdjfndbsmdjcjfj.) and she's the biggest nerd omg i had a like 2 hour conversation with her and her gf about star trek#its great#we're moving sapphic fast lol which is a lot but im obsessed with her a bit#did i mention shes so pretty? its fr like that one tiktok sound about a hot girl and her little gay boyfriend#oh and she came over again last night and i think im gonna dieeee lol i never realized how much of a physical touch person i am before#i mean i knew i liked it a lot but i just do not want to let go. at all. ever. i miss her#this is what i mean by bisexual so gay for men and women and it happens liek the stereotypes for both#sadly she's already mentioned maybe having to move because of everything and i really don't want that#but i guess we'll try it for as long as we can#overall though yay yay yay!!!!!!!!!!!!
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rather loquacious but ultimately cheerful writing-creative-thoughts post under the cut :'D
i do know that part of developing a readership is writing consistently over a long span of time, but the switch is really making me sort of simultaneously aware of and affectionate towards the readership i developed while writing for jenny :') got very used to the certainty of knowing there were quite a few people looking forward to what i would put out next, because of course there were! been doing that for eight years! so to switch tracks and realize i'm starting from scratch a little is kinda cool, now that i know what's going to happen. i am nothing if not consistent in my interests when i find them.
i am looking at these fic projects like yeah actually this is going to be the next few years For Sure. the thought of not finishing marigold's deal is truly unthinkable, in large part bc i made her! she exists in my head which means i totally have to finish this for her! which is ngl a lot more fun than writing a girl who isn't mine and who im holding together w scotch tape.
was talking to my bonus mom about the diff btwn writing mari + my girls / writing jenny. jenny was very much mine inasmuch as jenny didn't really exist within the narrative, sooooo really anyone trying to write jenny kinda HAS to go a little oc with it to write anything substantial. but mari is all mine. home grown. as are so many of the girls who surround her.
it's a really special and exciting shift and it's fun to sort of have this slow roll-out! to have her bleed into here and know that someday people will get to know her :') to have the time and space to just be silly with it without readership anxieties.
idk man im just feeling a lot. i went crazyyyy trying to write for some imaginary gold medal. i think i really stopped enjoying writing prior to the fandom track switch because i was just soooo stubbornly entrenched in this idea of not letting go ever, to prove some sort of point to someone, or to myself, but sometimes letting go is necessary and important and lovely. you're allowed to put things down when you feel like you're done with them. and it's so fucking wonderful to be in the middle of exploring literally everything without any worries about how good i am at it! i am doing this For Fun. i am doing so many things For Fun lately.
#musings#tl;dr i am just .... really enjoying being new to this :')#because i remember it took me such a long time to find my footing last time!#and it was a very organic thing!#you just do your own thing and have fun with it and the people who are also having fun with it tend to find you#and then you start having friends and family and overseas trips#and long train rides all through high school when you find out two people share a state#conventions and late night conversation#some of the best and most wonderful people i know#man i just. have not actually felt excited about the rest of my life until recently#it's still so hard sometimes but the joy is all around
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